{"id":1632,"date":"2019-10-10T04:19:04","date_gmt":"2019-10-09T22:49:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/?p=1632"},"modified":"2024-01-15T16:51:28","modified_gmt":"2024-01-15T11:21:28","slug":"sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"Sibling Rivalry and What You can do as a Parent?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_69_1 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Why_cant_they_just_get_along\" title=\"Why can\u2019t they just get along?!\">Why can\u2019t they just get along?!<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Ditch_the_comparisons\" title=\"Ditch the comparisons\">Ditch the comparisons<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Be_fully_present\" title=\"Be fully present\">Be fully present<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Conflict_resolution_skills\" title=\"Conflict resolution skills\">Conflict resolution skills<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Do_not_always_expect_the_eldest_to_know_better\" title=\"Do not always expect the eldest to know better\">Do not always expect the eldest to know better<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Be_a_role_model\" title=\"Be a role model\">Be a role model<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Offer_Praise\" title=\"Offer Praise\">Offer Praise<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Do_not_judge\" title=\"Do not judge\">Do not judge<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-9\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#Set_the_ground_rules\" title=\"Set the ground rules\">Set the ground rules<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why_cant_they_just_get_along\"><\/span><strong>Why can\u2019t they just get along?!<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If you are a parent of more than one child, odds are that you have uttered this sentence enough number of times. As they say, having one child makes you a parent; having two turns you into a referee. From blaming and name-calling to physical fights, you would have seen it all. While some amount of sibling rivalry is to be expected, a lot, however, also depends upon how you tackle the situation. Here are some aspects to remember that will come in handy when you are seeking an answer to how to stop sibling rivalry:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Ditch_the_comparisons\"><\/span><strong>Ditch the comparisons<\/strong><strong><\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There is no denying the fact that each child\nis unique with his or her own set of strengths. Yet as parents, we land up\ncomparing one child with the other, without realizing that making comparisons\nbetween children affects them negatively. Comparisons lead to jealousy which\nleft unchecked, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/coping-with-sibling-rivalry\/\">leads to sibling rivalry<\/a> and aggression. In fact, as per research, sibling\nrivalry can also lead to increased instances of depression, anxiety and\nunresolved anger later in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What you are also doing by comparing siblings\nis passing a message that the better performing child is preferred over the\nother. Now, that is a sure shot formula for reduced self-esteem that tends to play\nout in various ways throughout life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;On the other hand, by avoiding making comparisons, you are reducing the chances of undue competition between siblings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The\nother thing to consciously avoid is the act of labeling children. What we\ninadvertently land up doing by labeling children is to box them into roles that\nthey may not like themselves. These are boxes that they find hard to break out\nof even in later life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It is best to create an atmosphere of teamwork where siblings root for each other\u2019s success rather than compete amongst themselves for your approval.&nbsp;Consciously, therefore, when playing a game as a family, have the kids on the same team. Similarly, give them joint projects that will involve them co-operating with each other instead of indulging in sibling competition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Be_fully_present\"><\/span><strong>Be fully present<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Reasons for sibling rivalry are many; however, fights are sometimes also a means to get your attention, even if negative. It is imperative therefore that you&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/positive-parenting-tips\/\">spend enough time with the kids<\/a>. That really means being fully present and not just being there physically. This needs to be a time where you aren\u2019t distracted by that ping on social media, or worry about answering that work email. It is this positive attention given to each child that will go a long way in them not having to resort to sibling wars to get your negative attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Conflict_resolution_skills\"><\/span><strong>Conflict resolution skills<\/strong><strong><\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>It is extremely important to endow children with conflict resolution skills so that they can work out sibling issues whenever they occur. Teaching them&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/avoiding-temper-tantrums\/\">effective anger management skills<\/a>&nbsp;for one will be a great enabler. From recognizing early anger cues to helping them with ways to deal\nwith anger, there is a lot you could do.&nbsp;\nI- messaging is another tool that you can endow them with. Each time that\nthey encounter conflict, they could express how they feel by using an I-\nstatement; \u201cI feel bad when you call me names because\u2026..\u201d This will teach the\nchild an appropriate way to express his or her emotions that will also be well\naccepted by the other person. This is as opposed to beginning the sentence with\n\u201c You did this to me\u201d, where the other person feels attacked and is automatically\non the defensive. The chances of the conflict being resolved, therefore,\ndecrease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Do_not_always_expect_the_eldest_to_know_better\"><\/span><strong>Do not always expect the eldest to know better<\/strong><strong><\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Many parents are guilty of perpetually&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-favoritism-facts\/\">telling the elder child to adjust<\/a>&nbsp;simply because he or she is elder of the lot! The fact is that this can lead to an increase in resentment in the elder child. Instead, it will also help to teach the younger sibling to ask for permission before taking the elder one\u2019s possessions, for example. Importantly, the elder child will not see you as being unfair; this perception alone sometimes can be a cause for sibling rivalry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are a lot of seemingly small areas that you can pay attention to. For example, sibling rivalry often inadvertently has its genesis in the arrival of the younger child who receives a stream of visitors with presents. In such cases ensure that the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/helping-older-siblings-adjust-to-the-new-baby\/\">older child does not feel left out<\/a>. You can keep small presents handy for the elder child. Also, allow the elder child to open the younger one\u2019s presents to keep him or her involved. Small acts, such as these, help create the base for a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/role-of-a-sibling\/\">great sibling relationship<\/a>, in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Be_a_role_model\"><\/span><strong>Be a role model<\/strong><strong><\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Children learn more from what they see rather than what they are told. It will help them to see you model kind behavior, therefore. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/fighting-in-front-of-the-child\/\">Getting into fights yourself<\/a> or having explosive meltdowns or resorting to name-calling when you are angry, will only help them internalize this behavior. The message that they get is that aggression is an acceptable coping mechanism. If you do land up having an outburst, it will help to apologize later and also have a conversation on how you could have handled the situation better. In fact, you could ask for suggestions from the children on what could have been done differently. There could be no better coachable moment than this to help the children arrive at what kind of behavior is acceptable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Offer_Praise\"><\/span><strong>Offer Praise<\/strong><strong><\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Praising\nthe children when they display teamwork or can sort out conflicts themselves\ngoes a long way in re-enforcing positive behavior. Essentially do not give them\nattention only when they take to fighting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Make it a point also to spend time alone with each of the kids, doing activities they love. These times <a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/building-a-great-relationship-with-your-child\/\">will help you bond<\/a> and will help the child reach out to you and talk to you about issues, as and when they face them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Do_not_judge\"><\/span><strong>Do not judge<\/strong><strong><\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>It is important that when a child comes and\ntalks to you about what they are facing with their sibling, you hear them out\nwithout judging them. That said try not to jump into solving the issue without\ngiving enough time to the siblings to resolve it themselves or without hearing\nboth sides of the argument. Of course, if you see the argument going out of\nhand or if a physical fight erupts, you need to step in immediately. If there\nare issues that the children routinely fight about, you could also help them\ndevise a solution well in advance. For example, if they war about gadgets, you\ncould help create a schedule that they could follow. This will automatically\nreduce instances of infighting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Set_the_ground_rules\"><\/span><strong>Set the ground rules<\/strong><strong><\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The answer to how to handle sibling conflict also lies in setting the ground rules early. So you can make it amply clear that name-calling or hitting is beyond bounds. Also, the consequences of breaking these rules must be communicated. Having set a rule you need to also implement the consequences if it is broken, else the child will not take you seriously. Needless to mention that the consequences need to be age-appropriate! What will work for&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/program-toddler\">toddlers will not work for a pre-teen<\/a>&nbsp;and so on<strong>. <\/strong>Sometimes though in the heat of the moment parents tend to make undue threats, which are hard to execute. That only results in reducing your credibility in the child\u2019s eyes. Ensure, therefore, that you say things that are appropriate to the situation and implementable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It is also prudent to set up a system of calling for family meetings every week. This can be that democratic space where everyone speaks about the good and bad events of the week gone by. Everyone should be encouraged to help arrive at solutions so that issues do not recur. This will lay the foundation for a lifetime of much-needed conflict resolution skills. Done well, these meetings can be a great source of fostering camaraderie and an answer to your question on how to cope with sibling rivalry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That said, do remember that some amount of sibling rivalry is not only to be expected but is even healthy. Therefore do not set unrealistic benchmarks for the children as also for yourself!&nbsp;This realization will also help you cope with sibling rivalry, far better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why can\u2019t they just get along?! If you are a parent of more than one child, odds are that you have uttered this sentence enough number of times. As they say, having one child makes you a parent; having two turns you into a referee. From blaming and name-calling to physical fights, you would have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/#more-'\" class=\"more-link\">more \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32,28],"tags":[33],"class_list":["post-1632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-managing-yourself","category-siblings","tag-sibling-rivalry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Sibling Rivalry and What You can do as a Parent? | Footprints Childcare<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you feel you have been turned into a referee rather than a parent, here are some handy tips to handle sibling rivalries.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sibling Rivalry and What You can do as a Parent? | Footprints Childcare\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you feel you have been turned into a referee rather than a parent, here are some handy tips to handle sibling rivalries.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Footprints Childcare\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/footprintsplayschool\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-10-09T22:49:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-01-15T11:21:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/footprints-logo.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"350\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"80\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Purvesh Sharma\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@FootprintsChil2\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@FootprintsChil2\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Purvesh Sharma\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.footprintseducation.in\/blog\/sibling-rivalry-and-what-you-can-do-as-a-parent\/\",\"name\":\"Sibling Rivalry and What You can do as a Parent? 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